the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
