Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
