I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
