yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
