the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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