i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
