i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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