Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
