This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
