I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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