Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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