Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
