I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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