Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
