Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I supernannyed him into submission
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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