I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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