You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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