someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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