Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
