Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
