my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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