you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
