I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
