Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
