Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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