she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
