I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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