So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
