tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
