mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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