Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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