because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
