I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
