she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
