and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
