I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
