did you get engaged???
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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