i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
