just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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