he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
