i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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