I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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