wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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