So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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