Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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