This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
