Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize