How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
