I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
