Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
