Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
