Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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