he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
