Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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