I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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