I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
