i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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