I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i love accidental penises.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
They are going to name an STD after you.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
